


i am in such a better mood

by 8The_Great_Perhaps8



Category: Naruto
Genre: Drunken Confessions, Drunken Shenanigans, Gen, Not the romantic kind
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-05-16 08:39:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19314583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/8The_Great_Perhaps8/pseuds/8The_Great_Perhaps8
Summary: Sakura is drunk. Sai is not. It is extremely inconvenient.





	i am in such a better mood

**Author's Note:**

> title is from 'carry me down the street' by the front bottoms because that song is pretty much just like what happens in this fic

Sai is walking Sakura down the street.

Well, more accurately, Sai is walking down the street and more than halfway dragging Sakura behind him. Ordinarily, the positions would be reversed, but Sai is sober and Sakura seems close to passing out.

“I like gettin’ drunk,” she slurs. “Tsun- Tsunade-sama-shishou-sensei, she showed me somethin’ t’ stop it.” After a pause, Sakura starts to giggle. “Lotta s-words. Ssss.”

“If Tsunade-sama taught you how to purge your system of alcohol, why do you not?” Sai asks. “It would make our journey much easier.”

“I  _ like  _ gettin’ drunk,” Sakura whines. “‘S happier when ‘m drunk. No blood, no bones, no amb- amputations. Ev’ryone’s happy when ‘m drunk.”

“I am not,” Sai says. “I find our current circumstances extremely disagreeable. If I did not care about you so much, I would have abandoned you at that bar.”

“Awww, Sai-chan  _ cares  _ about me!” Sakura shrieks, giggling. “I care about Sai-chan too, believe it!” She quiets for a moment. “Sai-chan, yer my favorite, y’know? You never left me. An’ you’re nice to me, an’ you don’t call me annoying, an’ you stick around with me, y’know?”

“You are my favorite as well, Ugly,” Sai informs her. “Although, I doubt you will remember this conversation in the morning.”

“Prob’ly not,” Sakura agrees. She’s quiet for another long moment, before she hiccups and asks, “Sai, I know why you’re my favorite, but- but how come I’m  _ your  _ favorite? You like Naruto-kun a lot, an’ some other people, I think, so how come I’m your favorite?”

Sai takes a moment to think and catalog his reasons. “Because you were my first, Ugly.”

Sakura bursts out laughing. “Nooooo,” she says. “No, Sai-chan, that’s a sex thing. Sai-chan’s too  _ cute  _ to talk about sex things.”

“Very well,” Sai says. “It is because you were my first friend. You were kind to me, and you showed interest in me, and I have been your first priority. I have never been Traitor’s first priority, or Dickless’ first priority, or Bitch’s, or Fatty’s, or even Creepy’s. But I have been your first priority, and I love you for that.”

Instead of cooing, like Sai expects, Sakura considers for a moment.

“Hang on,” she finally says, hiccuping halfway through. “Hang on, though. I’m Ugly, an’ Naruto-kun is Dickless, an’ Sasuke’s Traitor. Is Fatty… is Fatty Chouji?”

“Correct.”

“Okay,” Sakura says, in a tone of voice like she’s about to perform open heart and brain surgery on three different patients at the same time. “Okay. But. Who’s Creepy? Is Creepy Shino-kun? ‘Cause he’s not- he isn’t creepy, he’s nice. Bzzz.”

“Creepy is your friend,” Sai explains. “The blonde one who can invade people’s minds.”

“Ino-chan!” Sakura exclaims with delight. “She’s not creepy. Ino-chan’s really cute. An’ she’s got good fashion sense, an’ pretty hair. Soft hair.” She pats Sai’s head with disappointment. “You an’ Naruto-kun an’ Sasuke don’t got hair that’s soft like Ino-chan. You’re bad teammates. You should have softer hair, believe it.”

“You sound like Naruto-kun when you are intoxicated,” Sai tells Sakura, as he takes the keyring off of Sakura’s belt to let them into her apartment building.

“Uh-huh,” Sakura says. “Who’s Bitch, though? ‘S not Hinata-chan, she’s too- she’s too sweet. An’ it’s not Tenten-tan, ‘cause Tenten-tan wouldn’t put up with you. An’ it’s not Ino-chan, ‘cause Ino-chan is Creepy.”

“The Inuzuka, with the red triangles on his cheeks,” Sai says. The elevator is out of order, so he’s going to have to cart Sakura up the stairs. “I call him Bitch because it is an insult, and a clever reference to the fact that his family keeps dogs.”

“Woof,” Sakura agrees. She stumbles away from Sai for a moment, and seems to almost manage to keep her balance before she topples forwards and catches herself on the stairs. “Can I sleep here?”

“No,” Sai says. “You are Kyōjin Sakura, one of the most respected shinobi in the world, the single strongest shinobi in the world, and the best medic-nin in the world, and if you fall asleep in the lobby of your apartment building, you will lose all respect.”

“Nnnngh,” Sakura says, struggling back to her feet. “Kyōjin Sakura! I c’n do it! Believe it!”

“Of course,” Sai agrees. “We’re going to the fifth floor, Sakura-chan. Don’t forget.”

“Believe it,” Sakura repeats, and she begins climbing the stairs, pulling herself along the handrail with both hands, somehow without pulling it out of the wall.

At the fifth floor, Sakura is panting dramatically, and back to leaning on Sai.

“I hate stairs,” she tells him. “When I’m hokage, I’m gonna get rid of stairs. Only evelators, believe it!”

“Elevators,” Sai corrects. “And I was not aware that you harbored ambitions for becoming hokage, Ugly.”

“Course I do!” Sakura shouts, and Sai covers her mouth with his hand. This doesn’t stop her. “I’m gonna be hokage an’ I’m gonna make stairs illegal, an’ bein’ a bad guy, an’ abandonin’ the village, an’ bein’ mean. I’m gonna be the best hokage ever.”

“If it ever comes down to between you and Dickless, I would support you,” Sai tells her. They’ve reached her apartment, now, and Sai has to take his hand away from Sakura’s mouth to try and unlock the door. There are around sixty keys on the keyring, though, and none of the ones Sai tries seem to work.

“‘S why I love you,” Sakura mumbles. “You support me. An’ you know I’m good at stuff, an’ not a left-behind, or a waste of space, or a civilian. I’m not a civilian. I’m a kunoichi- a shinobi, an’ a jounin, an’ a medic-nin, an’ I’m gonna be in ANBU soon an’ hokage after that. I’m the best ninja ever.”

“Correct,” Sai agrees, going to the eighth key. “Perhaps they will build a statue of you.”

“Gross,” Sakura says. “Don’ like statues. Like at the valley, where Naruto an’ Sasuke fought, those two statues are jerks. I wanna get a building named after me. Like the Haruno Sakura Shinobi Hospital, or Haruno Sakura Shinobi Academy, or Haruno Sakura Hokage Tower, y’know?”

“I can see no reason why you would fail to achieve that,” Sai says, going to the twelfth key. “At the moment, however, we are at the Haruno Sakura Shinobi Apartment, where it is attempting to block its namesake and her favorite from entering.”

“Here, lemme,” Sakura says, standing up straight. Sai offers her the keyring, but she waves him away, pushing him several feet down the hallway. After a moment of preparation, Sakura takes a deep breath and headbutts through the door before reaching through and opening the door from the inside. “Ta-da!”   


“You will regret that when you are sober,” Sai observes. “You could get robbed.”

Sakura bursts out laughing. “Kyōjin Sakura’s gonna get robbed! I’d like to see someone try. This is an open invitation to the world at large, try your luck at robbing Kyōjin Sakura!”

“You should endeavor to be more quiet at night,” Sai tells Sakura, ushering her through the doorway and closing what’s left of the door behind them. “The less your neighbors hear you, the more they like you.”

“Nahhhh,” Sakura disagrees. In the few seconds that she’s been in the apartment, she’s managed to take her shoes off and undo her bra, without taking off her top, which she tosses onto the couch, piled high with laundry. “Ev’rybody  _ loves  _ Kyōjin Sakura. I punched rabbit lady in the face. I looked Madara-chan in the eye an’  _ lived. _ I’m the strongest shinobi ever, an’ the best medic ever, an’ the prettiest kunoichi and the smartest person an’ a  _ jounin _ an’ ‘m Tsunade-shishou’s apprentice. Nobody wants to rob cute little Sakura-chan.”

“Perhaps enemy shinobi will try their luck,” Sai says, watching Sakura collapse onto her bed. Quickly, he rearranges her into the recovery position so that if she vomits in her sleep, she won’t choke to death.

“Dummy, there’s no more enemy sh’nobi anymore,” Sakura mutters. “We’re all bes’ friends forever, ally sh’nobi forces. Buddies. Like Gaara-chan, we’re best buds with Gaara-chan.”

“The kazekage is, indeed, very close with yourself and the other members of Team Seven,” Sai agrees. “Good night, Ugly. I will see you in the morning.”

“Nooooo,” Sakura moans. She sits up and grabs Sai’s wrist. “Stay?”

“I have my own apartment to return to, Ugly,” Sai says. “Go to sleep. Sober up and spend more than ten hours away from the hospital.”

“Don’ like the hospital anymore,” Sakura pouts. “Too much blood an’ guts an’ bones an’ stuffs. ‘S why I like bein’ drunk No blood or guts or bones or stuffs when ‘m drunk.”

“Then sober up and spend some time away from it. You have not spent more than ten hours away from the hospital since the war ended. This can be extremely detrimental to your mental health.”

“Got work to do,” Sakura says. “Gotta  _ help  _ ev’rybody. ‘Cause I’m the best medic nin in th’ world. An’ I don’ even  _ mind  _ all the blood an’ the guts an’ the bones an’ all. ‘m good at it, an’ I’m not scared of blood like Tsunade-sensei-sama. I’m jus’... ‘m jus’ real  _ tired,  _ Sai.”

“Get some rest,” Sai advises. “You have spent too long in the hospital. You will feel better once you get some sleep and have spent some waking hours not stitching someone up. Good night, Ugly.”

“Don’ go, though,” Sakura complains. “Remember, you’re my favorite, ‘cause you never left me, right? I don’t want you to leave me, Sai-chan.”

Sai stares down at her. “Where would I sleep?”

“With me!” Sakura spreads her arms to show the majesty of her whole twin-sized bed. “Sai-chan’s my favorite, so we can sleep in the same bed. An’ I’m Sai-chan’s favorite! An’ we’re both wearin’ clothes, too, so I won’t wake up all sober an’ think we had sex.”

“You would not think that regardless, Ugly. You are far too clever.”

“See, yer my favorite, ‘cause you called me smart,” Sakura says. She falls backwards into her bed, pulling Sai along with her, as she still hasn’t released his wrist. He collapses on top of her, and then rolls over so that they aren’t quite so close as to be uncomfortable.

“You would not notice if I left after you fell asleep,” Sai points out.

“Would in the morning,” Sakura mumbles. “An’ then you wouldn’t be my favorite.”

Sai stares up at the ceiling for a moment before he sighs. “Very well.”

“See? Sai-chan never leaves me.” Sakura yawns, and turns over so that her head is tucked into Sai’s shoulder. “G’night, Sai.”

“Good night, Ugly.”


End file.
